the way back - nervous breakdown and all that

  2019 – Ofsted #1 And so it came to pass that the head teacher was able to pull the wool over Ofsted’s eyes when our school was first inspected under their leadership in 2019. I guess it helped that we, the staff, wanted what was best for our school; we had put a lot of work to get it to where it was; we had done our best to make it shine. Sure, we didn’t trust the head (we were wise to their narcissism and their potential for ruthlessness had already become very apparent), but we did it for the children, out of professional pride and to uphold the legacy of our previous head. Initially, it came as a shock that our previous head had been thrown under the bus, her legacy lied about by the current head who had portrayed the school as failing. With hindsight, it was to be expected. The inspectors had bought the lie that 1) the culture of the school was not up to scratch; 2) had been turned around under the new leadership. The lack of impact of past leadership  had apparently bee...

My darlings, it's been too long! I'm still here and beginning to live my best life again after a long period in the wilderness.  A lot has happened over the past few months. F rustratingly, I am not in a position to comment on a lot of these recent events but things have truly got a lot better.  One thing I am permitted to share is that  after the best part of two decades  of living in London, we have moved: pastures new for the family. We have waved goodbye to Penge and moved to the East Coast of Kent. The atmosphere and environment couldn't be more different; and just what we needed. The children  miss their friends but have been enjoying  their new schools and are settling in happily. They are making many new friends and love living by the sea in a far less busy environment.  We're  missing a lot of friends too, but people have already been down and dates are in the diary for more visits. Anxiety is still present but not overarching; the positi...

More articles questioning the Multi Academy Trust (MAT) approach that had been so lauded by the Conservatives have been sent to me this past week. They make for very interesting reading for those of us opposed to academisation. Last week the DfE announced the scrapping of the trust capacity fund, trust establishment and growth fund and academy conversion grants. There is talk of legislation to be put into place to make academies follow the national curriculum, and importantly to return to cooperating more closely with councils.   Jack Dyson’s article in SchoolWeek (07.11.24) comments that academy trusts with “top-down management cultures” are under scrutiny, with the new government seeking “to curtail the freedoms of the academies sector.”   This week, Sir Kevin Collins (a non-executive director at the DfE) has voiced his opinion on the flaws of the MAT system. He is concerned about teachers’ well-being and agency. Referring to the growth of a “narrow compliance culture”, he ...

By all accounts, this week has seen positive steps as far as Labour's position on education goes.   Firstly, on employees' welfare, Rachel Reeves’ budget speech included an affirmation that it was “the government’s plans to boost workers’ rights” and that, “our plan will protect working people from unfair dismissal, safeguard them from bullying in the workplace, and improve their access to paternity and maternity leave.”   Bullying, discrimination, harassment, and victimisation are all too common in the workplace. Unfortunately, protection from these for staff in education has been limited. We will have to see how committed the government will be in combatting these hefty issues which have affected so many of our lives, and continue to do so. But it is a powerful statement and we should make sure the government keeps its promises.    Secondly, after (in recent years) taking a fairly non-committal position on academies, it would appear that the new Labour go...

In May of this year, I signed off work after a nervous breakdown. Or as my French friends call it: ‘burnout’! I have frequently felt as if I am in a sort of no-mans-land. It genuinely does at times feel like ‘ an uninhabited or desolate area’ (wikipedia) within my mind.   I am used to interacting with, teaching and nurturing a class of thirty lively children - and love things that way. However, I have had mainly myself as company for the past four months. And I’m not especially good at nurturing myself. Especially when there are so many battles in my life. I’m tired of battles: perpetually being on my guard. I need the interaction with my pupils, need to keep my mind active by helping them to learn. But that part of my life has been put on hold. I have suffered and not been treated well.   ***   I was in Paris this weekend. It has been good to take a break from London and enjoy the city of my youth: visiting a lovely restaurant, bookshops, going for a run around the Bois ...

I have not written on the blog for a while. I have been off work for a few months now and now is not the right time to be going into that aspect of my life. I can however have a moan about life in general and the fact that it has been a challenging few months. To be honest, it's been a tough few years: victimisation at my previous school, grief, betrayal, disappointment, and two nervous breakdowns have all played their part in my rocky mental health. I apologise: some of you will have already read about this in my previous posts. Accident Things came to another head this Wednesday (02.10.24) when our car was rammed by a reckless driver. We were pulling out of a side street. The third party was desperate to get through some lights which had just turned green. He wanted to turn right before oncoming traffic could start moving. He overtook the lane we were pulling out of. He was significantly over the 20mph speed and ploughed straight into us - driver side. I was driving. Luckily, ai...

It has happened again.  Two months ago, I had  another nervous breakdown : my second in five years. I cannot go into the reasons why this happened, but my mental health has taken another drubbing. My antidepressants intake has  quadrupled . There have been a lot of bad days.  Days seething with anxiety but devoid of energy. Days struggling to relax and yet feeling the urge to sleep all the time.  Despite being at home all the time, there have been many times where I’ve been an absent father.  Days on end, lying on my sofa or bed staring at the ceiling. Thankfully, glimmers of positivity and hope are now becoming far more common. But while I’m on more of a secure footing, I’m still on that perpetual nasty verge of a panic attack; constantly in fighting mode. Thank goodness I  am running again and building my stamina up.  I could not read for any lengthy period of time without losing my concentration. I still get distracted but I’m actually fi...