In May of this year, I signed off work after a nervous breakdown. Or as my French friends call it: ‘burnout’! I have frequently felt as if I am in a sort of no-mans-land. It genuinely does at times feel like ‘an uninhabited or desolate area’ (wkipedia) within my mind.
I am used to interacting with, teaching and nurturing a class of thirty lively children - and love things that way. However, I have had mainly myself as company for the past four months. And I’m not especially good at nurturing myself. Especially when there are so many battles in my life. I’m tired of battles: perpetually being on my guard. I need the interaction with my pupils, need to keep my mind active by helping them to learn. But that part of my life has been put on hold. I have suffered and not been treated well.
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I was in Paris this weekend. It has been good to take a break from London and enjoy the city of my youth: visiting a lovely restaurant, bookshops, going for a run around the Bois de Vincennes, etc. Most of all, it has been a joy to meet up with some very good people who are so important in my life.
Last night, I met up with a very old friend that I hadn’t seen in about a decade. His empathy and kindness were a balm. In my darker hours, I doubt myself. Sadly, over the past few months, I have been in such dark places all too frequently. However, he disabused me of the notion that I am as a self-regarding crackpot.
He told me that he was sorry for the ‘battles’ I have had to put up with and fight, and reminded me to be kind to myself. It was moving and I am grateful to have such support from friends like him – a friend of over forty years.
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I’m now on the Eurostar back home basking in the warm glow of friendship. My beautiful wife and children are meeting me at the station from where we’ll travel to the seaside for a short break. The sun is shining. Life ain’t all bad.
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