NPD

I have been reading up on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) this weekend. It makes for interesting and very relevant reading. Although I am not trained in psychology, I am convinced that my previous head has a NPD. Many others have come to this conclusion too.

People with NPD tend to share some or all of nine most common traits (source: https://www.psycom.net/personality-disorders/narcissistic).

• An inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement.

• A need for constant admiration – heightened self- requiring a steady stream of attention, approval, and recognition.

• The expectation of special treatment:  favours, apologies, etc. – belief that deserve to have it—because superior to everyone around: everyone should know and comply.

• An exaggeration of achievements and talents - no ethical issues with embellishing the facts -or even outright lying- about life, CV, and experiences.

• Negative reaction to criticism: while craving control and taking full credit when things are going well, quick to blame others whenever a situation doesn’t go as planned. It’s extremely hard to accept criticism or admit to mistakes because, naturally, it’s always someone else’s fault.

• A preoccupation with fantasies about power and success. Creation and belief of exaggerated, unrealistic narratives around success and relationships to help one feel special and in control. Anything that threatens the fantasy is rationalized away or simply ignored. Envy of people who have what one wants.

• Taking advantage of others. Exploitation of other people to achieve own ends—whether maliciously or obliviously. No interest in how behaviour might affect others.

• An inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others. Extremely sensitive to how people treat and react to their needs and feelings, but on the flip side, inability to empathize with others’ experiences. Tendency to belittle others or even bully people to feel better about themselves. No depth in relationships with others and this is of no concern to the narcissist.

• Arrogant behaviour: inflated ego and sense of superiority and entitlement. Tendency to look down on people perceived as “inferior,” and only associate with those considered equally special, successful, and talented.

These traits can be identified time and time again throughout the previous posts on this blog. 

We were subjected to a host of unreasonable expectations. All her utterances and ideas were to be treated as gospel - despite her lack of experience and quite frankly skewed pedagogical theory. One example I have not given thus far is that of her regular middle-leader symposiums - enforced upon us every so often. These were perfunctory exercises of sharing teachings learnt from research papers rather than experience; they were widely viewed as dull and unnecessary: having very little impact -if at all- on our practice. They only ever illustrated her own views on leadership, difficult conversations, etc. On one occasion, I remember her vaunting how many of her staff had said how valuable these sessions were. 

She operated under the assumption that respect of/trust in her were givens, rather than having to be earned. On many an occasion, she told us that her word should be enough rather than being given tangible proof of minutes or policies.

She expected to be treated one way, while we were not entitled to such regard. I received so many threatening messages just before weekends, holidays, non-working days (including the message that precipitated my breakdown). Yet on one occasion when my union send a missive on the last day of term, she had the nerve to claim she was being harassed. Despite the email being about my nervous breakdown I hasten to add: the cruel irony…

The school, the governors and its employees were her pawns. She frequently mentioned ‘my’ school, ‘my Chair of Governors’, etc. Never ‘our’. Hardly a collegiate attitude: not quite the team player. 

Advice may have been heard, but it was never listened to or acted upon. Such arrogance. Many times were conversations had, ideas exchanged during staff meetings and one-to-ones where she agreed to take ideas on board, only to have changed her mind by the next day, claiming she had been right all along – if they had not simply been forgotten and then lied about…

She claimed to have ‘thick skin’ yet many of us saw her fly off the handle when contradicted. Both staff and parents experienced this.

As far as exaggeration of achievements go, well, suffice to say that a very long post could be written about that. For another time maybe.

How many more people will be damaged before anything is done? So many of us ex-staff have left. Parents are disgruntled. Children are leaving. And yet the collusion continues.