the way back - nervous breakdown and all that

I see you.   I have not forgotten you and I sure as hell will never forgive you. It’s the fourth anniversary of my nervous breakdown. The one you orchestrated. The one that shut me down. The one which forced my uncomprehending children to see me in tears for days on end. The one which left my wife, family and close friends scurry around to pick up the pieces and help me function from one day to the next – lost days and weeks. The one that destroyed my confidence for months. The one that made me doubt myself for years. The one you evidently could not have cared less about.   They see you.   The others you made suffer. The ones you forced out: the ones who actually did make a huge valuable difference to the school. The ones you punished for not kowtowing, for not worshipping your non-existent pedagogical prowess. The others you pushed to nervous breakdowns. The ones who you forced to choose between friendships and obeying you. The ones who you damaged who did not e...

Just a little entry today, but I feel as if I had to share some pretty special news: I have finally located the pesky missing newsletter I mentioned over two months ago (‘ Of missing newsletters… ’ 30/07). It has miraculously just turned up on my previous school’s website. In October. Not that I have been checking frequently or anything… Funnily enough, it’s got a very interesting section about staff turnover - amid some lovely heartfelt words from the head that I am sure the leaving teachers will have mightily appreciated. (Previous teachers who left, including myself, barely got a mention – ho hum.) Check this out: After many years at [the school], we will be saying goodbye to [a number of teachers] at the end of term. They have given so much to our school and we wish them all the very best in their future endeavours, which, for most, will be outside education. […] This year, we have seen a higher than usual number of teachers leaving the school, mainly to leave the profession. This,...

The current head of my previous school was employed in the summer of 2018 – their tenure started in September 2018. One particularly perspicacious class teacher saw straight through them after a one-to-one with the head that summer. She handed in her notice shortly thereafter. And then: o    By the end of 2018-2019, 4 more class teachers had left (two halfway through the year): representing 24% of class teachers. At least 8 other members of staff also left. (12+) o    By the end of 2019-2020, 4 other class teachers left (including me) and 2 extremely well respected cover teachers: representing 25% of class teachers/ 33% of teachers. And a much loved TA. (7) o    By the end of 2020-2021, 3 more class teachers had left: representing 20% of class teachers. At least 5 other members of staff also left. (8+) There was also a restructure that year. Some allege that questions remain unanswered. I do not know how many others lost their jobs due to it. o ...

Allegedly it is quite normal for a large proportion of staff to leave a school when a new head takes over. I often heard this before I started writing this blog three years ago. There may be some truth in it.  But what if staff turnover stays high? What if this churn of staff keeps on going? Nine class teachers of 16 left my previous school throughout the 2022-2023 academic year – 60% of the teaching staff. Of the 6 who remain: 2 have become assistant heads. I guess, good for them! I do not know most of the others as they were not in situ when I was teaching there. Two other long-standing members of staff have also left - I do not have any details about their reasons. And it seems that many of the people who have left the school seem to have left under a cloud. This isn’t publicly available information as the figures above are, but you might have read a previous post in which one of those teaching staff who left the school detailed the awful experiences with the head that made...

It is an honour to be able to publish this extraordinarily powerful piece from another teacher who had the misfortune of being neglected, then victimised, by the head at my previous school.  Again, the governing board and local authority have chosen to turn a blind eye. Where is the duty of care? What will it take for this situation to be addressed as it should?  By now, a clear pattern has been established at this school. This teacher was failed again and again despite very real health concerns. It is testament to her that she has had the courage to write this incredible piece.  That she has chosen to leave the world of teaching is a shocking indictment of this system where certain leaders seem to be untouchable and unaccountable, despite the human destruction they are responsible for.   _____________________ I have deliberated over writing this account of my experiences at [the school] for a long time now. What’s held me back has been fear [1] . Fear of retrib...

Two weeks ago, I mentioned that more than half of class-based teachers have left my previous school this year. Interestingly, this has not been mentioned on any social media linked to the school, nor does it feature in any newsletters on the school’s website. In fact, the traditional end of year newsletter has yet to appear on the school’s website (see picture below). It could be an oversight, I guess – but one cannot help but be a little dubious. In previous end of year newsletters, the head had very little to say about the departure of staff (especially those who had had the audacity to question their poor leadership). Maybe this year’s exodus has proven too difficult to whitewash.  And where would they even find room for any other messages once they had said all those goodbyes? It is a small wonder that neither the council, nor the governing board seem to consider that haemorraging teaching staff is in any way problematic. Staff retention is surely an essential considerati...

The MAT campaign is over for me. We lost. We lost well. However, I cannot function properly without writing. It is a way for me to process my messy mind: a way to funnel my anxieties and make sense of the world. For years now, especially since my nervous breakdown in 2019, I seem to be stuck in a fight or flight state. It tends to be more fight than flight these days to be honest. The blog helps anchor me. I was wondering what I could write about, and then bingo: it came to me… Obviously: what better way to move away from recent events than to write about my previous school which is so rich in happenings...  It would appear that things have not exactly improved as far as work conditions go in that hotbed of toxicity. In fact, rumour has it that over 50% class-based teachers are leaving this July. This has been reported to me not by a little bird, but a whole flock of them... While it is true that staff retention is a real issue at the moment in England’s schools, two thir...