It's ok to not be ok; it's ok to be ok...

Lately, my mind has felt as though it has a ridiculous number of tabs open. I struggle to close any of them, yet keep opening new ones all the time. It’s exhausting.

It’s been six months since my ADHD diagnosis, and by now I was supposed to be trialling new medication. However, at the end of the summer, I received an email apologising that this next phase of my treatment would not begin until April 2027 at the earliest.

It came as a shock. I had thought that, finally, I might soon be able to find a little more mental balance in my life. After so many years of knowing that I wasn’t neurotypical, receiving a diagnosis had been such a relief. At last, I felt recognised, understood, and able to look forward to finding ways to manage my condition.

And now, more waiting. In the grand scheme of things, I suppose it’s not the end of the world — very much a first-world problem.

It makes everything happening around me feel even more intense and much harder to process calmly. Everything seems to hit harder than it should, and I find myself struggling to keep things in perspective when there is already so much to deal with. Lately, a number of issues from my previous life have resurfaced. They’re all fascinating in their own way, and part of me is glad to be revisiting them. But they’re also opening up previously closed doors (or opening yet more tabs!) into emotionally difficult territory. Things I thought I’d put behind me are suddenly very much present again, bringing feelings and memories I hadn’t necessarily bargained for — and I’m finding it hard to make room for all of it. The story of my life!

A friend once said I was like a Staffie with a bone — once I get my teeth into something, there’s no letting go. Some things just won’t lie, and I can’t simply shrug and move on.