Mental health

Last week, I had a cholecystectomy: I'd had a gallstone bothering for years and the easiest thing was to have the gallblader taken out. The NHS were great -as usual- and I am recovering nicely. It means I have a bit of free time on my hands too. And what better way to use this time than to do a bit of navel-gazing blogging! The ideas contained below have been in gestation for quite some time and, to be honest, I just want to get them out of my system, so here goes...

Sometimes, in fact a lot of the time for people who suffer from rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), we become our own worst enemies. We give criticism -direct, or indeed perceived- far too much credence. We see ourselves as being responsible for things that are out of our control or simply not merited; for instance: the way we are mistreated.

It has taken me years to come to terms with the fact that I am not to blame for the victimisation and discrimination I have come up against in my career as a teacher and union rep. It has taken a lot of self-reflection and therapy. 

There are different reasons for which I was battered with this bizarre sense of guilt. There are basic societal norms and constructs which instil this in us from an early age: a flawed education system, a neo-liberal society coordinated to favour those at the top. There are also personal traits: naivety, low self-esteem. Then there is unjustifiable poor treatment.

I know that I can be exacting. I have issues with lack of accountability and trust, especially when it comes to management. I fear it means I will always be suspicious of authority. But all too often these suspicions have been grounded in reality and therefore are justified.

Also, particularly in the field of education, aren’t we supposed to have high expectations of those in positions of responsibility? Goodness knows, those at the top have high expectations when it comes to class-based practioners. And we’re certainly expected to have high expectations of our pupils.  

The overriding reason I have been treated so badly is for having stood up for the rights of my union’s members. I have refused to kowtow to management: frustrating their plans to make their lives easier, whilst they worsen their employees’ work conditions. I put my head above the parapet and faced the consequences. Nothing brings a group of toxic individuals together faster than others who can't be manipulated.

As a union rep, I have fought for others with integrity. I never stooped to being unethical or dishonest. I didn’t do it to raise my profile. I didn’t do it out of a narcissistic craving to be in the limelight. I was persecuted for having integrity, standing up for others and what I believe in.

Victimising someone for doing the right thing, acting with integrity, standing up for the rights of employees in the workplace is not a good look. Especially when one is aware of that person’s struggles with anxiety, depression and RSD. Fair treatment is a right not a privilege.

My mental health issues were used against me. I have always been transparent about these issues. Mental health awareness should be a priority in any workplace.

I have worked in education for nearly thirty years now. I love the nurturing, I love the teaching, but the politics and hypocrisy drive me insane (have literally done so in the past).  I worry that distrust in management will forever haunt me. I genuinely hope that I can find another school in which I can again thrive, help the community, trust and be trusted: places like this surely must exist.