RIP

Dad died last Friday in the early hours of the morning. He died peacefully. He was allowed a dignified death.

His nearest and dearest were all able to spend time with him before he went. There were some undeniably beautiful moments that took place over those last days. Even though there were no visible reactions from Dad, I would like to think that some of our conversations with/about him, the music we played, the laughter and tears were able to reach him somehow. Obviously I would like to think that. Who wouldn’t?

He was a beautiful dignified human being. He was owed this demonstration of love, friendship and respect.

And thank Christ, he was able to leave us peacefully after being battered by Alzheimer’s for the best part of a decade. We lost him slowly and irretrievably.

A cruel disease to him.

A cruel disease to us.

For years, he was still with us and yet he wasn’t. The long goodbye indeed.

Anyway, this piece of writing is a celebration of Dad.

We loved and respected Dad for so many different reasons.

He made me what I am today.

Here is a rushed off list of some of the components that made him such a wonderful person:

o   a strong moral code;

o   a heightened sense of justice and of doing the right thing;

o   integrity – always integrity;

o   nurture and care;

o   generosity;

o   friendship;

o   patience;

o   giver of advice – never imposed;

o   a sense of humour – often extremely daft;

o   a wide-ranging taste in music (not always to my taste…);

o   a love of good food and wine!

I would like to think that some of these have rubbed off on me and not just the daft sense of humour!

I thought that losing him would be much easier, that I had already done most of the processing as he faded away over the years. But nothing prepares you for the seismic shock of a loved one leaving for good; especially after spending some of the final hours with them and their loved ones. I wouldn’t have missed those hours for anything. I know that I will cherish them for the rest of my days. But it isn’t easy - as I know many have experienced already.

I have been feeling numb, depressed and have mainly wanted to be alone since Friday. My family, colleagues and community have been so supportive. I am lucky.

It is a time of processing, reflection and getting used to Dad no longer being here.

So many precious memories. So much fun. So much debating. So much depth. So much help. So much caring. Always there for us when we needed him.

I am really struggling to find a way to end this entry. I guess: keep it simple.

Dad, I will miss you and have missed you for many years. You will live on in our memories forever and not a day goes past when you are not celebrated. I love you, gaffer. Xxx

RIP David Taylor (1932-2023)