The Nervous Breakdown

(continued from previous post) 

I was rattled. I did not have the most restful of holidays. I was distant from my family. My anxiety levels were high. Very high.

Upon returning to school, I was invited to a meeting to discuss a leadership timetable. There was thankfully no mention of a support plan. I was visibly agitated. It was a confrontational meeting. I brought up the fact that she had not accepted any changes in the union feedback notes which was ignored. And I raised concerns about my mental health. The head asked if I needed time off – I said no, stating that my class was a source of happiness and helped keep me grounded.

Then, on 05/11/19, with no prior warning, the head visited my class for an alleged ‘drop-in’. It was however very much a formal observation. She took notes on her laptop throughout and talked to children at length, looking through books. There was no interaction with me; her body language was hostile; no eye contact. 

At precisely 15:35, I received an e-mail. It was a Tuesday – the day on which we had staff meetings at 15:30. At that time, I had a childcare day on Wednesdays. The timing of that email was deliberate. I have no doubt in my mind. Ruthlessness? Cowardice? A lack of emotional intelligence?

I had been in meetings that very afternoon with the head to discuss MFL at our school. The content of the e-mail was not mentioned once. Moreover, according to the disputed union feedback notes, she had decided that we were to be moving away from formal written feedback. Why had she not related these concerns about me and given verbal feedback after the observation?

In schools, as in most workplaces I imagine, observations are supposed to be constructive and SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound). This email made an absolute mockery of such a concept. This was a hatchet job pure and simple: reeking of vindictive petty-mindedness.

She wrote that the reason for this drop in was following feedback from peer reviewers who had visited the previous week. Apparently during their informal learning walk, they had identified several areas for concern in my provision. I have since heard from one of these peer reviewers. I was told in no uncertain terms that their brief was to observe and offer constructive advice.

However, here is a summary of the points for development the head listed:

Curriculum coverage and expectations:
o    limited evidence of differentiation in books and children often not challenged effectively to make adequate progress;  

o    lack of regular entries in writing books that show the build-up and progression of skills leading to extended pieces of writing.

 
Feedback:
o    follow feedback policy and use the feedback code daily;

o    feedback to be meaningful to have an impact: specific and subject specific terminology to guide children to further learning, ensuring feedback builds on learning from the lesson;

o    pupil responses to be checked for misconceptions and action taken during the next lesson to address gaps in understanding where needed: standards of teacher intervention to be higher and more immediate to have an impact;

o    if child not understood or answered incorrectly, to adapt provision during next lesson to address this – evidence needed of provision through children’s responses, differentiation, scaffolding or teacher input;

o    for all teacher feedback, use purple pen;

o    teacher handwriting unclear and hard to read.

 
Timetable & teacher contact:
o    to follow submitted timetable at all times except when an extra-curricular activity;

o    teacher should remain in class during all class time, including during specialist subject teacher lessons, unless for exceptional circumstances;

o    ensure that children engaged in learning throughout lessons which need to start promptly on time.

 
Presentation:
o    standards of presentation for majority of the class need to improve – work is sloppy, very untidy and have regressed;

o    all children should write next to the margin.

Handwriting:
o    rectify position of children to avoid left-handed children bumping into right-handed children;

o    address the poor pencil grips for a number of children as a matter of urgency.

 

The email was the last straw: I had a nervous breakdown.

A teaching assistant soon became aware of the situation: I was in a bad way. She went to get the deputy head who was in a leadership meeting. Allegedly, the head rolled her eyes when she heard that there was a situation with me. 

Nice. Definitely the reaction of a caring head invested in the well-being of her staff...